Here I am BACK :)

Udahhhhhhhh lama banget aku ngga nge blog lagi.. many things happen here. Let me recall it one by one..  :(  I am excited for this :)

SO BE PATIENT .. I WILL LEAD YOU IN MY AMAZING JOURNEY :3

THIS IS MY BIG RARE OPPORTUNITY

As a students of university, and a tenant lives far away from our family is hard to do. We are trying to organize money, do all the things by ourselves. We are a normal human; we need money of course, moreover if our parents give us adequate pocket money for our living expense. It’s sure that we have to think how our life becomes economically life. Like we only have two times for our meal-time, and we spend to buy the cheapest food like chicken noodle, or penyetan (all are student’s budget food).

To be honest, I wanted to get my part-time job since I was in the first semester at the university. Because of my schedule, I forgot about those things. I studied hard to get my best score. I used to spend my money carelessly; I bought many things I wanted to buy.

And the day was begun, when I realized I couldn’t ask my parents to give me extra money for my living here. My older sister ordered me to find some part time job around Salatiga, even the salary is not enough for all my expense here. I tried hard to find that kind of job around Salatiga. I asked my friends to inform me whether she found part time job there.

It was my long holiday, I didn’t take my Short Semester (Semester Pendek) then I went back to my hometown. At home, I was only stayed at home; helped my parents to keep their own shop. It was really boring, still I dreamt about my part time job. I texted one of my friends, her name is Ester; she told me there were part time job at Monginsidi as an English Teacher. I felt surprised for that information, and I prepared it well. I typed my application letter, and my CV with no doubt. But, I knew God hasn’t permitted me yet to apply that job. I was still at home. It was about 3 days later, I met Ester again and she told me there was another job for me but she didn’t really sure for that. We proceeded to English Institution there, and to make this story short I got the phone number of that Institution. I texted the owner of Margi Alit (the name of institution I wanted to apply). He replied my message and told me to send my application letter and my CV. I shared my happiness directly to one of my close friends, she was Della. We both wanted to apply that job. The next day we went there and sent it to them. There, we had a little talk with Mr. Bambang (one of English Teacher there). He asked us about our motivation applying this job. All of our conversations were spoken in English. It was hard for me for the first time, but only by HIS grace I could answer it with everything I could say. He told us that we had to come there next week to have some talks with the owner.

We went to Della’s boarding house, along our way to her boarding house we talked about how nervous we were there. We were almost speechless, didn’t know what we had to say. I was optimist for that job, and I believe everything has prepared by God. The following week, we were interviewed by all the staffs and the owner of the institution. I was nervous again, because I met with many people who are expert in English teaching. Praise the Lord; I could do the interview well. We had our lunch together while they were still interviewing us. My first interview was end, but the following week we had to come there again to talk about the salary. I came there again in the following week; della and I were tired of waiting this decisions. But I tried to make sure della that we surely accepted. We talked about how much salary we want; the staffs offered us how if they could only give the lower amount from the salary we want. I humbly said that It was not a big deal for me, I needed experiences not only in teaching but also I needed an experience in organization. So I didn’t mind if I got the lower salary.

God still wanted me to be more patient; they asked me to come again in the following weeks. It was almost 3 times for me to be interviewed. It was my last week to be interviewed; they gave us a task for teaching practicum and after teaching practicum they have could make decision upon us. I prepared it well; I made some resume of what I had to explain for my students. I still had spirit enough to come in my last interview. There, I found my friend too, her name was Dessy. She was interested in applying this job too; we would pretend as the real teacher and explained the material for our students. I could deny I felt really nervous. Finally we had finished doing our practicum teaching, even it wasn’t good enough. We had different method of teaching with Margi Alit. But they were satisfied with our efforts. We gained the new point of view of teaching itself, and again we three of us had to wait the decisions from them. They would message us or called us if we were accepted. Again, God tested my patience; I prayed often for this job when I went to bed. I begged God to give me that opportunity, but I didn’t force God to do my will. I let God’s will would happen. It was Thursday at 4.55 pm, I got a message from Margi Alit; they told me to come there tomorrow (Friday) at 11 am, I felt really happy at the time. I texted Della and Dessy, I was asking whether they got the same message with me or not. Unfortunately they didn’t get a message from Margi Alit, so only I the one whom they messaged. They said only me who were accepted in their institution.

The next day, I was given the contract of work, job list, and some regulations there. Until now, I am still unconscious for realizing I am accepted as English Teacher in Margi Alit (even my status is still apprentice). Della and Dessy are also accepted there, but they haven’t taught the students yet. Last Monday was our first day of our training. We worked as English Assistant there, helped the hotel’s staff learning English. I was really tired but happy; it was my first job’s experience. God is good for me; I am given a chance to assist foreigners who are learning Indonesian. It is really big and rare opportunity. Two days ago, I assisted them in learning Indonesian. The age of them is not far from us, so we can easily associate with them. I have new friends; they are Jason, Mike, Ellery, Nicole, Riki, Laura, Nancy, Wendoo. They are from Canada, Honduras, Paraguay, and Zambia.They are all friendly persons and have a high sense of humors. 

I thank God for every opportunity God has given to me and I will keep it well even it’s a small chance. Like the Scriptures says: For those who are trustworthy in a little, God will appoint you over much.

For I know (now) I am still trustworthy in little things, God will appoint me over much (later). I believe in my heart.

But as it is written, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, neither has the human heart thought of what GOD has prepared for those who love HIM.” -1 Corinthians 2:9-

HE HAS KNOWN T.T

yes, finally He has known what I am feeling inside.. A feeling I tried to hide from him >,< . I am not smart at hiding my own feeling to those whom I love. It's over, when he knew what I am feeling now.. seems that my world fall apart.
yes I've already known that you have already known something I used to hide from you since I felt this way. You may hate me or fed up at me, whatever you wanna do, you can do it... I admit that I am a loser, I don't dare enough to confess it to you 'cause my words for you are unsaid. I am not a great risk-taker at all, I am afraid of taking all the risk I'll face. I feel relieve now 'cause you have known what is inside of mine. I know everyone has rights "approval & refusal". I do realize I'll never get "that approval"but it's bot gonna be big deal for me. the thing is you have known my feeling, and it's enough for me. i don't dare to step farther, love sometimes force us being hurt, as the consequences itself .

SERMON'S REVIEW >> How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD :)

Thanks God for giving me an opportunity to breath and live till today.

It's Sunday, I got up from my deeper sleep then I took a shower. I dressed up myself and preparing go to my own church. A long of my journey I saw  a beautiful view God has created , I could see a beautiful mountain and how green rice field there. I proceed in , and helped my friend to search the songs for praise and worship later. I was rejoice when a song leader led us to praise HIS HOLY NAME , and this is what I am waiting when I am home >> sermon. Yes , I really miss every sermon my father deliver ( especially when I am being far away from home ). It is entitle : How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD :) , when I heard that title I didn't know why I felt happy.

It's said that : "sometimes we, as a follower of Christ, we really often forced God to do our will. It's the same with we mock God's name. And I got an answers about my question ( How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD). there are some way we can do :

1st. We aren't allowed to force GOD . We do our part while God do His part

2nd. We have to be a diligent men as the proverbs indicates us to see how a life of ants. God will bless us if we diligent in everything we can do. Let us work as we work for God ( with all your heart , sincerely ).

3rd. We have to sow . for those who sow, they will reap. If we can only ask to God without do anything, we'll reap that God doesn't answer our prayer. Like Isaac , when he was in Philistine God commanded him not to moved to Egypt. In crisis-day there, Isaac sowed his flour and he became richer and prosperous for God BLESSED him. it is written on the Bible that : whoever sow a little, they will reap in a little too.. but whoever sow a lot , they will reap in a big quantity . God will provide us a seed for sowing and multiply it .

I was really blessed, and correct my heart sometimes I am still do forced to God for every will I have. I will do that way , in order God bless me. Now , I have a dream where I have to struggle hard for this , I know where it's impossible for us, but it's possible in GOD. The most important things is we can't force GOD, we do God do in the same time.. God bless us :)

saat kamu benar-benar tidak dipilih (keadaan)

Cinta adalah sesuatu yang indah.... ada motto yang bilang : " No Love No Life " . . Yups, emang bener banget.. teman... kata temen-temen cinta itu indah, ada yang bilang cinta itu menyebalkan, bikin sedih n bikin semangat juga :).

Recently, I met a guy. He is older than me, First time I saw him I considered HIM as a charming prince..He is talkative, has a great sense of humor and He is ice breaker I guess, He can melt my heart feelings *halah lebayy * . . .

I don't know why.. I feel comfort when He is beside me, I can enjoy His joke actually.. Instead, he almost makes me cry because of his funnies jokes. I can fool everyone with my fake smile, even in front of him I will say that I have no special feeling with him. But with my heart I can't fool myself 'cause I honestly I have special feeling on him. O God,day by day I always think about him everything I do is only focuses on him. Forgive me GOD, he takes my time alot, and I do thinking about him till now.. :(.. I have a strange principle like : I won't tell my feeling to whom I love till he knows by himself. I am really afraid of losing him, and actually I still confuse with my own feeling. Do I love him as a lovers or as a brother and sister??. I doubt!! I can't choose one of them. You know, in my opinion pacar or boyfriend is just a label , and I don't want make it important. But some of my friends says that STATUS IS REALLY IMPORTANT, IT TIES YOU AND HIM.. WHY YOU CAN SAY LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE SAID BEFORE??? .. Yes I know, I am wrong and actually I am a kind of jealous person. I want to posess someone, but don't want to lose him too. If I apply in my romance like this : I love someone, and I don't want to have any label or status ( coz I guess..It's not the important thing) but I want to posses him. so am I an egoistic person???? 

But, I realize now.. that I'll never be the one with him.. I believe he just consider me as his friends no more. and I know I can't urge someone to be mine without any sincere. I know, he loves somebody else, till now I still keep my feeling inside. I don't know whether he knows or not, but if I can guess he has already known what I feel but I know he's too kind, he never try to stay away from me :)

I am sad ( yes, it's true ) 'cause I don't get any feedback from him ( answers yes about my confession, but I think he will say "NO" ) and this is the condition that you never be picked by him ..

But, I have to commit with my principle.. If I have made a decision not to confess my feeling it means that I am ready with the risks itself. 

I am sad, but I'm happy... even I only see his face, his sweet smile, also his joke.. It's enough for me, let me keep this inside by myself. This condition makes me stronger than I used to be... It is better I see his face than I confess my feeling but he stay away from me...

I know eventually we will together.. ONE SWEET DAY , I don't know.. Let God do my rest :D

" I surrender on you my LORD..You know what I feel inside. I stop to pursue him :( let me see your better plan upon me LORD "

- the end -

2.10 a.m

wah... ternyata hari udah pagi yah... udah ngantuk bener nii.... kan aku mau pulkam besok...see you tomorrow.. 

aku pasti kembali kok, nulis lagi tentunya....

aku bobok dulu yah =D... God bless, ,

Sebatas Mimpi :)

pedih bila kuingat lagi
janji yang pernah kita ucapkan dulu
mengapa kini kau ubah semuanya
tak mengerti, tak mengerti aku

reff:
biarkanlah cinta tak berbalas bila memang harus
ku nikmati cinta hanya sebatas mimpi
biar saja kasih indah tak pernah lekat
walau semua ini hanya sebatas mimpi

kasih ingatkah saat-saat mesra
berdua selalu kita dalam cinta
mengapa kini kau ubah semuanya
tak mengerti, tak mengerti aku

tak kusangka semuanya berakhir
hanya karena kau berpaling

huuu hanya sebatas mimpi

Ps. Lagu ini bagus banget ^^,