Cinta adalah sesuatu yang indah.... ada motto yang bilang : " No Love No Life " . . Yups, emang bener banget.. teman... kata temen-temen cinta itu indah, ada yang bilang cinta itu menyebalkan, bikin sedih n bikin semangat juga :).
Recently, I met a guy. He is older than me, First time I saw him I considered HIM as a charming prince..He is talkative, has a great sense of humor and He is ice breaker I guess, He can melt my heart feelings *halah lebayy * . . .
I don't know why.. I feel comfort when He is beside me, I can enjoy His joke actually.. Instead, he almost makes me cry because of his funnies jokes. I can fool everyone with my fake smile, even in front of him I will say that I have no special feeling with him. But with my heart I can't fool myself 'cause I honestly I have special feeling on him. O God,day by day I always think about him everything I do is only focuses on him. Forgive me GOD, he takes my time alot, and I do thinking about him till now.. :(.. I have a strange principle like : I won't tell my feeling to whom I love till he knows by himself. I am really afraid of losing him, and actually I still confuse with my own feeling. Do I love him as a lovers or as a brother and sister??. I doubt!! I can't choose one of them. You know, in my opinion pacar or boyfriend is just a label , and I don't want make it important. But some of my friends says that STATUS IS REALLY IMPORTANT, IT TIES YOU AND HIM.. WHY YOU CAN SAY LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE SAID BEFORE??? .. Yes I know, I am wrong and actually I am a kind of jealous person. I want to posess someone, but don't want to lose him too. If I apply in my romance like this : I love someone, and I don't want to have any label or status ( coz I guess..It's not the important thing) but I want to posses him. so am I an egoistic person????
But, I realize now.. that I'll never be the one with him.. I believe he just consider me as his friends no more. and I know I can't urge someone to be mine without any sincere. I know, he loves somebody else, till now I still keep my feeling inside. I don't know whether he knows or not, but if I can guess he has already known what I feel but I know he's too kind, he never try to stay away from me :)
I am sad ( yes, it's true ) 'cause I don't get any feedback from him ( answers yes about my confession, but I think he will say "NO" ) and this is the condition that you never be picked by him ..
But, I have to commit with my principle.. If I have made a decision not to confess my feeling it means that I am ready with the risks itself.
I am sad, but I'm happy... even I only see his face, his sweet smile, also his joke.. It's enough for me, let me keep this inside by myself. This condition makes me stronger than I used to be... It is better I see his face than I confess my feeling but he stay away from me...
I know eventually we will together.. ONE SWEET DAY , I don't know.. Let God do my rest :D
" I surrender on you my LORD..You know what I feel inside. I stop to pursue him :( let me see your better plan upon me LORD "
- the end -
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