Sabtu, 27 Agustus 2011

THIS IS MY BIG RARE OPPORTUNITY

As a students of university, and a tenant lives far away from our family is hard to do. We are trying to organize money, do all the things by ourselves. We are a normal human; we need money of course, moreover if our parents give us adequate pocket money for our living expense. It’s sure that we have to think how our life becomes economically life. Like we only have two times for our meal-time, and we spend to buy the cheapest food like chicken noodle, or penyetan (all are student’s budget food).
To be honest, I wanted to get my part-time job since I was in the first semester at the university. Because of my schedule, I forgot about those things. I studied hard to get my best score. I used to spend my money carelessly; I bought many things I wanted to buy.
And the day was begun, when I realized I couldn’t ask my parents to give me extra money for my living here. My older sister ordered me to find some part time job around Salatiga, even the salary is not enough for all my expense here. I tried hard to find that kind of job around Salatiga. I asked my friends to inform me whether she found part time job there.
It was my long holiday, I didn’t take my Short Semester (Semester Pendek) then I went back to my hometown. At home, I was only stayed at home; helped my parents to keep their own shop. It was really boring, still I dreamt about my part time job. I texted one of my friends, her name is Ester; she told me there were part time job at Monginsidi as an English Teacher. I felt surprised for that information, and I prepared it well. I typed my application letter, and my CV with no doubt. But, I knew God hasn’t permitted me yet to apply that job. I was still at home. It was about 3 days later, I met Ester again and she told me there was another job for me but she didn’t really sure for that. We proceeded to English Institution there, and to make this story short I got the phone number of that Institution. I texted the owner of Margi Alit (the name of institution I wanted to apply). He replied my message and told me to send my application letter and my CV. I shared my happiness directly to one of my close friends, she was Della. We both wanted to apply that job. The next day we went there and sent it to them. There, we had a little talk with Mr. Bambang (one of English Teacher there). He asked us about our motivation applying this job. All of our conversations were spoken in English. It was hard for me for the first time, but only by HIS grace I could answer it with everything I could say. He told us that we had to come there next week to have some talks with the owner.
We went to Della’s boarding house, along our way to her boarding house we talked about how nervous we were there. We were almost speechless, didn’t know what we had to say. I was optimist for that job, and I believe everything has prepared by God. The following week, we were interviewed by all the staffs and the owner of the institution. I was nervous again, because I met with many people who are expert in English teaching. Praise the Lord; I could do the interview well. We had our lunch together while they were still interviewing us. My first interview was end, but the following week we had to come there again to talk about the salary. I came there again in the following week; della and I were tired of waiting this decisions. But I tried to make sure della that we surely accepted. We talked about how much salary we want; the staffs offered us how if they could only give the lower amount from the salary we want. I humbly said that It was not a big deal for me, I needed experiences not only in teaching but also I needed an experience in organization. So I didn’t mind if I got the lower salary.
God still wanted me to be more patient; they asked me to come again in the following weeks. It was almost 3 times for me to be interviewed. It was my last week to be interviewed; they gave us a task for teaching practicum and after teaching practicum they have could make decision upon us. I prepared it well; I made some resume of what I had to explain for my students. I still had spirit enough to come in my last interview. There, I found my friend too, her name was Dessy. She was interested in applying this job too; we would pretend as the real teacher and explained the material for our students. I could deny I felt really nervous. Finally we had finished doing our practicum teaching, even it wasn’t good enough. We had different method of teaching with Margi Alit. But they were satisfied with our efforts. We gained the new point of view of teaching itself, and again we three of us had to wait the decisions from them. They would message us or called us if we were accepted. Again, God tested my patience; I prayed often for this job when I went to bed. I begged God to give me that opportunity, but I didn’t force God to do my will. I let God’s will would happen. It was Thursday at 4.55 pm, I got a message from Margi Alit; they told me to come there tomorrow (Friday) at 11 am, I felt really happy at the time. I texted Della and Dessy, I was asking whether they got the same message with me or not. Unfortunately they didn’t get a message from Margi Alit, so only I the one whom they messaged. They said only me who were accepted in their institution.
The next day, I was given the contract of work, job list, and some regulations there. Until now, I am still unconscious for realizing I am accepted as English Teacher in Margi Alit (even my status is still apprentice). Della and Dessy are also accepted there, but they haven’t taught the students yet. Last Monday was our first day of our training. We worked as English Assistant there, helped the hotel’s staff learning English. I was really tired but happy; it was my first job’s experience. God is good for me; I am given a chance to assist foreigners who are learning Indonesian. It is really big and rare opportunity. Two days ago, I assisted them in learning Indonesian. The age of them is not far from us, so we can easily associate with them. I have new friends; they are Jason, Mike, Ellery, Nicole, Riki, Laura, Nancy, Wendoo. They are from Canada, Honduras, Paraguay, and Zambia.They are all friendly persons and have a high sense of humors. 
I thank God for every opportunity God has given to me and I will keep it well even it’s a small chance. Like the Scriptures says: For those who are trustworthy in a little, God will appoint you over much.
For I know (now) I am still trustworthy in little things, God will appoint me over much (later). I believe in my heart.
But as it is written, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, neither has the human heart thought of what GOD has prepared for those who love HIM.” -1 Corinthians 2:9-

Minggu, 21 Agustus 2011

HE HAS KNOWN T.T


yes, finally He has known what I am feeling inside.. A feeling I tried to hide from him >,< . I am not smart at hiding my own feeling to those whom I love. It's over, when he knew what I am feeling now.. seems that my world fall apart.
yes I've already known that you have already known something I used to hide from you since I felt this way. You may hate me or fed up at me, whatever you wanna do, you can do it... I admit that I am a loser, I don't dare enough to confess it to you 'cause my words for you are unsaid. I am not a great risk-taker at all, I am afraid of taking all the risk I'll face. I feel relieve now 'cause you have known what is inside of mine. I know everyone has rights "approval & refusal". I do realize I'll never get "that approval"but it's bot gonna be big deal for me. the thing is you have known my feeling, and it's enough for me. i don't dare to step farther, love sometimes force us being hurt, as the consequences itself .

Minggu, 31 Juli 2011

SERMON'S REVIEW >> How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD :)

Thanks God for giving me an opportunity to breath and live till today.

It's Sunday, I got up from my deeper sleep then I took a shower. I dressed up myself and preparing go to my own church. A long of my journey I saw  a beautiful view God has created , I could see a beautiful mountain and how green rice field there. I proceed in , and helped my friend to search the songs for praise and worship later. I was rejoice when a song leader led us to praise HIS HOLY NAME , and this is what I am waiting when I am home >> sermon. Yes , I really miss every sermon my father deliver ( especially when I am being far away from home ). It is entitle : How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD :) , when I heard that title I didn't know why I felt happy.

It's said that : "sometimes we, as a follower of Christ, we really often forced God to do our will. It's the same with we mock God's name. And I got an answers about my question ( How the way we can be BLESSED BY GOD). there are some way we can do :

1st. We aren't allowed to force GOD . We do our part while God do His part
2nd. We have to be a diligent men as the proverbs indicates us to see how a life of ants. God will bless us if we diligent in everything we can do. Let us work as we work for God ( with all your heart , sincerely ).
3rd. We have to sow . for those who sow, they will reap. If we can only ask to God without do anything, we'll reap that God doesn't answer our prayer. Like Isaac , when he was in Philistine God commanded him not to moved to Egypt. In crisis-day there, Isaac sowed his flour and he became richer and prosperous for God BLESSED him. it is written on the Bible that : whoever sow a little, they will reap in a little too.. but whoever sow a lot , they will reap in a big quantity . God will provide us a seed for sowing and multiply it .

I was really blessed, and correct my heart sometimes I am still do forced to God for every will I have. I will do that way , in order God bless me. Now , I have a dream where I have to struggle hard for this , I know where it's impossible for us, but it's possible in GOD. The most important things is we can't force GOD, we do God do in the same time.. God bless us :)

Kamis, 21 April 2011

saat kamu benar-benar tidak dipilih (keadaan)


Cinta adalah sesuatu yang indah.... ada motto yang bilang : " No Love No Life " . . Yups, emang bener banget.. teman... kata temen-temen cinta itu indah, ada yang bilang cinta itu menyebalkan, bikin sedih n bikin semangat juga :).

Recently, I met a guy. He is older than me, First time I saw him I considered HIM as a charming prince..He is talkative, has a great sense of humor and He is ice breaker I guess, He can melt my heart feelings *halah lebayy * . . .
I don't know why.. I feel comfort when He is beside me, I can enjoy His joke actually.. Instead, he almost makes me cry because of his funnies jokes. I can fool everyone with my fake smile, even in front of him I will say that I have no special feeling with him. But with my heart I can't fool myself 'cause I honestly I have special feeling on him. O God,day by day I always think about him everything I do is only focuses on him. Forgive me GOD, he takes my time alot, and I do thinking about him till now.. :(.. I have a strange principle like : I won't tell my feeling to whom I love till he knows by himself. I am really afraid of losing him, and actually I still confuse with my own feeling. Do I love him as a lovers or as a brother and sister??. I doubt!! I can't choose one of them. You know, in my opinion pacar or boyfriend is just a label , and I don't want make it important. But some of my friends says that STATUS IS REALLY IMPORTANT, IT TIES YOU AND HIM.. WHY YOU CAN SAY LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE SAID BEFORE??? .. Yes I know, I am wrong and actually I am a kind of jealous person. I want to posess someone, but don't want to lose him too. If I apply in my romance like this : I love someone, and I don't want to have any label or status ( coz I guess..It's not the important thing) but I want to posses him. so am I an egoistic person???? 
But, I realize now.. that I'll never be the one with him.. I believe he just consider me as his friends no more. and I know I can't urge someone to be mine without any sincere. I know, he loves somebody else, till now I still keep my feeling inside. I don't know whether he knows or not, but if I can guess he has already known what I feel but I know he's too kind, he never try to stay away from me :)

I am sad ( yes, it's true ) 'cause I don't get any feedback from him ( answers yes about my confession, but I think he will say "NO" ) and this is the condition that you never be picked by him ..
But, I have to commit with my principle.. If I have made a decision not to confess my feeling it means that I am ready with the risks itself. 
I am sad, but I'm happy... even I only see his face, his sweet smile, also his joke.. It's enough for me, let me keep this inside by myself. This condition makes me stronger than I used to be... It is better I see his face than I confess my feeling but he stay away from me...
I know eventually we will together.. ONE SWEET DAY , I don't know.. Let God do my rest :D
" I surrender on you my LORD..You know what I feel inside. I stop to pursue him :( let me see your better plan upon me LORD "


- the end -









Rabu, 20 April 2011

2.10 a.m

wah... ternyata hari udah pagi yah... udah ngantuk bener nii.... kan aku mau pulkam besok...see you tomorrow.. 
aku pasti kembali kok, nulis lagi tentunya....




aku bobok dulu yah =D... God bless, ,

Sebatas Mimpi :)

pedih bila kuingat lagi
janji yang pernah kita ucapkan dulu
mengapa kini kau ubah semuanya
tak mengerti, tak mengerti aku
reff:
biarkanlah cinta tak berbalas bila memang harus
ku nikmati cinta hanya sebatas mimpi
biar saja kasih indah tak pernah lekat
walau semua ini hanya sebatas mimpi
kasih ingatkah saat-saat mesra
berdua selalu kita dalam cinta
mengapa kini kau ubah semuanya
tak mengerti, tak mengerti aku

tak kusangka semuanya berakhir
hanya karena kau berpaling
huuu hanya sebatas mimpi


Ps. Lagu ini bagus banget ^^, 

Thursday, March 21st 2011 at 00.11 WIB


Malam ini kena syndrom INSOMNIA... huh, nggak tahu kenapa nih... aku tiap malam nggak bisa tidur dengan pulas.
Hari ini hari terakhir aku menginap di kota Salatiga tercinta, soalnya besok aku udah harus pulkam ke kota Boja.
Rasanya sedih banget buat ninggalin semuanya disini, banyak kenangan yang aku punya disini. Tapi aku harus tetep pulang *mewek..
Dulu aku sempat takut, kalo aku sampai nggak dapet temen disini. Tapi Puji Tuhan dengan talenta yang aku punya akhirnya aku bisa punya banyak teman. Banyak kenangan yang aku abisin disini sama mereka, ada senang juga ada susahnya. Jujur, malam ini rasanya aku pingin nangis sekenceng-kencengnya. Aku nggak bisa bohong kalo aku sebenernya nggak pingin pisah ma temen-temen.Seharusnya aku nggak boleh egois, menginginkan mereka selalu ada buat aku. Mereka punya keluarga, dan kehidupan yang sama sekali nggak boleh aku campuri. Liburan semester ini terasa lama banget, khususnya buat aku yang nggak ikut Semester Pendek. Hampir 5 bulan kalau ku itung-itung, lamaa banget. Tadi malem, aku di kasih kesempatan buat ikut acara kumpul bareng ma temen-temen. Acaranya sih judulnya penutupan dan pembubaran panitia gitu deh, makan bersama. Aku masih ingat gurauan & canda mereka, aku nggak bakalan isa lupa malam ini. Hatiku rasanya ingin berontak, berharap pertemuan tadi nggak pernah bakalan berakhir. Aku pinginnya bareng mereka terus, ada rasa kenyamanan yang aku dapet pas bareng mereka. Gonna miss you all guys, ,

Senin, 18 April 2011

WELCOME MY LONG HOLIDAY

I've just realized that I've just finished my second semester in ED. Study in ED is challenging and demanding. At the first time I thought that It supposed to be great, but I could see the reality that my first and second semester was really demanding and challenging. I tried to adapt with the lecturer and all material which was written in English. Honestly, I felt down when I entered for my first class. Did you imagine that during the lessons the lecture explained us with English???? My tenant who is also my lecture said that : It only the beginning, it is normal if  you get shock at the moment. Trust me, You'll understand what they say with a long process. It needs PROCESS !! . then, I tried to listen her advice and now I can understand what they are saying. I am really blessed being here as students of ED ^^, I meet the qualified lecturers, great friends, and great community. It was God's gift given to me . At the first semester, I got my result of my study. It wasn't disappointing me, God knows my ability. Once, I was really dissapointed, why I couldn't reach 3.00 ( my result approached it ; i mean almost ).
here, I have many friends . . . but I only closed with some of them... most of them are girls.... They consist of 4 girls. 3 of them are my friends in ED, and the rest is my tenant.

They are :



1.


Her name is Della Nathania a.k.a Dalijah . . . She is the most mature in my groups. One of her hobbies is eating. She can eat lots of food when she is hungry . . . She is the most patient person, she is a good motivator also great adviser :), she is generous... after she met me her sense of humor develops quickly :) . . She never cry in front of us, she is the tough girl =D


2.

Her name is Rea Fang a.k.a Rosiyem . . . pacarnya Rumiyin :) She also to be called as Miss Toilet, coz when we gather in Della's boarding house she really often visit the toilet. so that's why we call her with Miss Toilet. She is fashionable enough, sometimes she is childish ( coz, she is the youngest girl here ). she loves acting so much, she is talkative, she is quite generous, but the weakness of her is that she is LOLA sometimes ( Peace Re ). . . Almost forget!! she is a big fans and Hello Kitty's stuff collector.


3.

The next is Dessy a.k.a Dariyem.... she is funny girl, has a good sense of humor, she is talkative, she is the one who can make me laugh loudly, even there's nothing funny things. she's a caring girl, kindhearted, but sometimes she is stubborn. She likes sleeping on Della's bed :)

 4. 

Her name is Indri. She is my tenant, we stay in the same boarding house. She is talkative, she is smart, she like eating like Della, she loves reading comics so much.... She can sit in the front of TV watching the film all night , , , * betah banget * . . . she likes shopping , also fashionable, she can sing. I feel trembling when she sings a song for me ^^, we ever spent time together in her room for singing together....



and the last , , , is Me..... 

i have many a.k.a like pisang, phobia, Miss Priest, or Sofiatun Bananawati, or atun... hhahahahaha.... Let me tell you about me :)
i am soft (huekss) . . I love singing, writing, reading, and playing facebook. According to them I am a freak person, hahaha.... I begin laugh by myself even there's no funny things to laugh. I am the funniest person of us. Actually I don't know why everything I do seems looks funny like the way I walk. From the simple things I look funny. I like laughing both myself or other, I am a loyal person, so be careful with my heart ;),  I am phobia of Banana.... I'm sweet enough :) . . .



well,,,, my second semester ends now... We'll say goodbye for a long time.... gonna miss you guys :'(



this is for you guys ....







thanks for being my friends here .... Love you so much guys :)





Kamis, 07 April 2011

CATATAN SEORANG GADIS Part 1


INI ADALAH CATATAN SEORANG GADIS YANG SEDANG MENCARI SIAPA CINTA SEJATINYA... CINTA YANG SELAMA 19 TAHUN IA DAMBAKAN . . . . .



Seorang gadis sebut saja dia bernama Siti, Siti adalah sesosok cewek yang manis, supel, ceria, santun, dan berbudi luhur. Sebenarnya dia adalah tipikal orang yang introvert,sekaligus extrovert. Terkadang dia bisa menangis sejadi-jadinya, kadang juga dia bisa tertawa lepas sampai semua orang ikut tertawa olehnya. Dalam keceriaan si Siti, ternyata si Siti menyimpan sebuah kerinduan yang amat dalam. Dia ingin memiliki cinta yang semua cewek dapetin. Sebenernya dia nggak jelek-jelek amat, dia dikarunia wajah manis, kulit yang agak gelap namun seksi, pembawaan yang baik. namun ternyata, semua itu membuat Siti minder apalagi dengan anugerah badan yang agak berisi yang Tuhan kasih buat dia. Siti beranggapan kalo semua hal yang dia punya itu nggak ada apa-apanya dibanding teman-temannya yang lain ( baca : cewek ). Di sekolah Siti punya banyak teman, tapi si Siti cuma bisa curhat ma satu teman kecilnya yang namanya Pariyem. Siti dan Pariyem bagai langit dan bumi pokoknya, Pariyem cantik banget, sedangkan si Siti sebaliknya ( nggak jelek2 amat si cuma cantiknya kebanyakan si Pariyem ). Si Siti curhat banyak tentang kegalauannya sama si Pariyem, Pariyem bilang : "kamu pasti bakal nemuin cinta sejatimu sit, tapi aku nggak tahu kapan Tuhan kasih buat kamu, kita cuma bisa nunggu Sit. Kamu jangan pernah minder ma apa yang kamu punya sekarang, kamu cantik sit..manis malah, kamu pinter. nggak usah minder ya Sit!!!" . Siti terdiam, Pariyem membuat Siti sadar kalo selama ini dia belum bersyukur ma apa yang Tuhan kasih. Pariyem emang temen Siti yang paling mengerti keadaan si Siti. Mereka berdua udah temenan lama sejak mereka duduk di bangku SD. Siti, tetap berjuang keras untuk mendapatkan cinta sejatinya. Dia memang berkali-kali jatuh untuk hal ini, dia pernah merasakan indahnya cinta yang walaupun cuma beberapa bulan yang membuat dia merasa down pake banget. Siapa yang perlu disalahkan si Siti atau si Paijo yang notabenenya kakak kelas Siti????. Si Siti merasa dirinya dipermainkan oleh si Paijo, Si Paijo bagi seorang Siti adalah sosok yang tak tergantikan. Paijo = punya selera humor yang tinggi, berwawasan luas, dan yang paling penting adalah si Paijo bisa membuat Siti nyaman. Siti sampai sekarang berusaha untuk tidak mengingat setiap momen yang di habiskan dengan si Paijo. Pernah, mereka berdua duduk di bawah sinar rembulan yang membuat Siti merasa bahwa malam itu malam milik mereka berdua. Siti, entah apa yang dia rasakan dia mulai menyukai si Paijo. Alasan si Siti lumayan simple yaitu si Paijo berhasil merebut hati Siti. Sebetulnya si Paijo juga merasakan hal yang sama yang Siti rasakan. Paijo pernah menanyakan pada Siti apa benar dia pacaran sama Narjo??? Siti kaget, bisa2 nya si Paijo berasumsi kalo si Siti berpacaran sama Narjo padahal si Narjo cuma teman Siti. Dari situ siti mulai merasakan ada hal yang aneh pada Paijo. Siti yakin kalo sebenarnya si Paijo memang memiliki perasaan yang mungkin hanya secuil. tapi itu nggak mungkin, karena Siti tahu kalo si Paijo udah ada yang punya. Siti pernah nglakuin hal yang bodoh yang pernah ia lakukan seumur hidupnya. Dia berdoa sama Tuhan : kapan ya mereka putus.. eh tau2.. paginya si Siti denger dari mulut si Paijo , si Paijo baru aja putus sama pacarnya. Siti sontak kaget pas dia denger kalo si Paijo putus dari pacarnya.. seneng juga sih,,, tapi jahat banget ya si Siti???? Siti dan Paijo melalui hari2 bersama tanpa sebuah status yang jelas. Mereka punya kesamaan,mereka suka liat bintang. Pernah suatu hari si Paijo bales sms si Siti kalo si Paijo bakal nemenin nonton bintang tapi dirumahnya. so sweet banget emang, Siti nggak tanggung-tanggung baca sms dari Paijo berkali-kali. Paijo tahu benar gimana caranya bikin si Siti seneng. 

Bulan april, ulangtahun si Siti... si Paijo sms Siti.. tapi entah kenapa Siti ngerasa kalo ini adalah sms terakhir yang Paijo kirimin buat si Siti.
ni sms dari Paijo buat si Siti : " Selamat Ulangtahun ya dek...semoga panjang umur, tambah setia pelayanan sama Tuhan... pokoknya tambah semuanya yang baik2 deh pokoknya " Siti kaget, panggilan dhek yang selama ini gag pernah di dengar ma Siti, keluar dari mulut si Paijo...

"jadi selama ini aku cuma kamu anggap aku adek Paijo???? apa arti semuanya ini???? "

Siti cuma bisa diem, nggak terasa dia mulai menitikkan airmata. ternyata semua kenangan yang mereka berdua jalani,gag berarti apapun bagi si Paijo. Firasat Siti benar, sms di hari ulangtahunnya jadi sms dari Paijo yang terakhir, sejak saat itu mereka lost contact. Siti berusaha mencari kabar tentang Paijo, kenapa si Paijo ninggalin si Siti disaat dia bener2 butuh si Paijo???? Paijo bahkan nggak ngacuhin keberadaan si Paijo saat hari wisudanya, Siti rasanya ingin menangis sejadi-jadinya., siti mencoba ngungkapin perasaannya lewat tulisan alias si Siti ngirim surat ke Paijo. Disitu dia ngungkapin semua apa yang dia rasain ke Paijo. Kata temannya yang namanya si Kariyem si Paijo cuma ketawa-ketiwi ngebaca surat yang Siti kasih. Paijo cuma bilang kalo suatu hari si Paijo bakal ke rumah si Siti. Si Siti cuma bisa pasrah, dia cuma bisa nunggu dan nggak kan pernah tahu kapan si Paijo bakal datang. Yang terpenting Siti merasa bahagia sekaligus kecewa sama si Paijo, ternyata semua yang mereka lalui bersama means nothing to HIM, tapi si Siti sadar kalo semuanya itu nggak bisa di paksain.Sekarang Siti sedang berusaha untuk menghapus semua rasa yang ada buat si Paijo, walau semuanya nggak gampang tapi si Siti mau berusaha buat nglupain si Paijo. sekarang si Paijo dah nemuin seorang cewek yang bisa nemenin dia kapanpun dan dimanapun dia meh pergi alias dia udah punya pacar. Si Si Siti cuma bisa tersenyum simpul, dalam lubuk hatinya dia bahagia. akhirnya si Paijo mendapatkan seseorang yang lebih baik dari si Siti.

SAPA YA YANG ISA NGGANDENG TANGANKU SUATU HARI NANTI YA KAYAK GINI?????









KETIKA AKU MERASA SENDIRIAN


kadang aku ngerasa sendirian.. serasa duduk di pinggiran sungai sendirian... mungkin aku berlebihan * emang sih *.. hahahahahah, , , apalagi setelah aku mutusin buat kuliah di UKSW Salatiga ini.. hidup jauh dari orangtua nggak semudah yang aku bayangin. Rasanya sepi banget, awal - awal masuk kuliah hampir seminggu sekali aku pulang.. rasanya aku belum siap buat pisah dari keluarga. Aku anak ketiga dari 3 bersaudara, mamaku wanti-wanti aku pake banget supaya aku jaga diri. Tapi setelah sekian lama aku hidup di Salatiga aku udah mulai ngerasa betah, coz disini aku punya temen2 yang selalu support aku :D . . .

nggak tahu kenapa yah... malam ini aku ngerasa HOMESICK *lagi..... hiks.... rasanya aku pingin banget pulang ke kampung halaman.. pingin ke gereja bareng2, makan masakan mama T.T , aku ngerasa aku nggak sanggup buat ngejalanin hidup ini sendirian. aku butuh TEMAN... memang sih aku punya temen2 yang selalu support aku.. tapi jujur aku terkadang masih ngerasa kesepian kalo aku ada di Kost.. mungkin keliatan dari luar kalo aku orangnya ceria pake banget, tapi asal kalian tahu aku ini termasuk orang yang gampang dan amat sangat rawan terhadap kerapuhan. aku berusaha buat ngadepin semuanya selayaknya nggak terjadi apa-apa, tapi aku nggak bisa. aku selalu gagal untuk nyembunyiin hal itu. tapi aku sadar saat aku ngerasa sendiri aku masih TUHAN yang selalu ada buat aku. secara nomal, aku butuh seseorang yang bener-bener isa ada buat aku, selain TUHAN, keluarga, temen2... Yang ku maksud disini adalah PACAR???? mungkin ini hanya soal "label"... hahahaha.... bicarain soal PACAR ato CINTA ... aku agak takut kalo bilang soal kayak gituan. Cinta itu memang indah, tapi terkadang Cinta juga bikin kita sakit.. :'(  hahahahahhahahahahahahahahah....

Lega rasanya abis ngeluarin semuanya lewat tulisan *gag semua yang kalian baca ini bener lho yah,,, hahahaha*
Aku tahu TUHAN sedang memproses aku... dan aku yakin kalo aku bakal jadi EMAS yang murni dimataNya :)

I love my Fam's . . . . miss you so bad T.T . . . . want to see you soon :D


















Selasa, 05 April 2011

Confession Letter ^^




DEAR: Y O U ...




Saat kita jumpa ada getaran dalam dada, KAU tersenyum manja membuatku terpana .....

*pas ketemu pertama kali... aku nyanyi kayak gitu*

Dia... memang hanya Dia ku slalu memikirkannya.... tak pernah ada habisnya

*setelah sekian lama kenal... ada sesuatu yang terasa...*

tapi disambung lagi nih ma lagunya mbak AGNES MONICA ^O^

" Wajahmu... dan hadirmu dan tentang dirimu... selalu oh berada di dalam hatiku...
  sejak awal bertemu aku tahu rasa itu... namun tak mungkin aku untuk memilihmu...
  Dan tak mungkin untukku, untuk gapai cintamu...
  walau rasa di hati ingin memilikimu.... Cinta harus berkorban walau harus menunggu slamanya...
  aku tahu KAU BUKAN UNTUKKU "....


perih banget emang... when I have to feel a kinda feeling like this,,,, For some people they consider me as the weak person. ^0^ . . .  but this is the real me...!!!! 

jujur... aku tak sanggup...aku tak bisa... aku tak mampu dan tertatih :(...
I used to hide my feeling to HIM... at first I did, but for now.. I don't know the way how I have to hide this again...

sekarang aku sadar, kalo semuanya tuh gag isa di paksain.. aku tahu itu.. mungkin emang jalannya emang begini... aku harus siap, kuat... dan aku harus BERJUANG untuk melawan semua rasa ini ke dia.. hwhwhwhwhwhwk.... 

" Now You found someone else to Love.. deep in my heart, love won't fade away... to hold you in my arms even in my dreams it feels so right lovin' U " hahahahaha,,,, maybe only in my dreams it will true, hahahaha..... For every moment I spent with YOU is the sweetest one I have :)...

" I Let YOU go... I Let YOU fly... 
  Why do I keep on asking why ^^ ?? "


"But have one last cry... one last cry... before I leave it all behind.. I gotta put YOU outta my mind... this time.. stop living in a lie... I guess I'm down to my last cry..."

satu hal yang masih bikin aku bertahan . . . :-D ....

" I'm hoping so much You'll stay... that You'll love me anyway " ameennn....




Yours, 


me :)




























Jumat, 01 April 2011

Luar Biasa Urapan Tuhan

Kemarin,  kita ( baca: Panitia WR ShED ) ngadain doa & puasa bareng.. Acara dimulai jam 6 (aslinya jam setengah 6 sih,,, cuma karna ada beberapa hal makanya dimulai jam 6 ). Lagu pertama yang kita nyanyiin itu Satu Hal yang ku rindu.. Petikan gitar Diah bikin suasana malam itu makin syahdu, kita2 pada muji dan menyembah Tuhan.. Dari awal doa, aku uda ngrasain hal yang gak enak banget, rasanya deg2an banget. Acara selanjutnya kita lanjutin ma acara Share bareng. Kita ngeluarin unek2 kita masing2.. aku sempet kaget banget waktu Susi bilang minta maaf ma aku kalo dia punya salah ma aku. Jujur aku kaget banget, ternyata pas kamis waktu ShED itu aku kelihatan diem banget *emang bener2 diem og,,*. aku rasanya pingin nangis waktu aku denger Susi ngomong kayak gitu, aku ngerasa bersalah banget. padahal aku nggak ngerasa ada masalah apapun ma dia. Aku coba klarifikasi di depan temen2.. aku bilang kalo emang kemaren aku lagi ada masalah, *masalah pribadi maksudnya*... Kita semua panitia ngeluarin semua unek2 kita... tanpa terkecuali kita hampir ( udah dink) menintikkan air mata :'( . . . Tapi sayangnya saat kita mau doa, salah satu dari kita pergi duluan coz dia ada acara ( It's Oke ) ... Akhirnya acara doa di handle ma Mb Nanananana.... Saat kita mulai doa, tiba2 aku ngrasain jamahan Tuhan yang luar biasa.. aku sampe nggak bisa ngomong apa2 sama Tuhan, cuma bisa nangis d hadapan Tuhan. Sesuatu terjadi saat Mb Ita kepenuhan Roh Kudus, dia pingsan jatuh di pangkuanku.. saat itu aku ngrasain ada sesuatu yang pindah dari tubuh mb Ita ke tubuhku. Aku yakin itu transferan roh kudus buat aku, aku rasanya gak kuat nahan semua.. Saat aku berdoa, Tuhan bilang ma aku :  " tetep doa terus... AKU pingin nunjukin sesuatu " aku jawab : "ya Tuhan.. aku mau, I want more GOD :)" 

Untuk Seseorang Disana . . .


puisi ini aku buat saat aku bener2 ngerasain apa itu yang namanya "CINTA TAK SAMPAI"


Telah ku simpan
Satu keindahan yang tak dapat ku terjemahkan sendiri
Indahnya hidup bila ku tahu kau peduli rasaku
Harapkanmu adalah asaku
Inginku....
Harapkanmu bukanlahla lagi sebuah mimpi yang menyakitkan
Harapkanmu bukanlah lagi sebuah dugaan melainkan sebuah intan yang telah di takdirkan
Aku memang terlalu pengecut untuk ungkapkan
Bukan ku takut dengan takdir Tuhan !!!
Tapi karena ku takut .....
Saat aku melihatmu..
Aku takut untuk mengenalmu....
Saat aku mengenalmu...
Aku takut untuk mendekatimu...
Saat aku mendekatimu ...
Aku takut tuk mencintaimu....
Saat aku mencintaimu ....
Aku sangat takut kehilanganmu...
Andainya kasih yang ingin kau berikan itu satu takdir Tuhan
Tidak mungkin aku biarkan kamu kesepian
Andai ada ruang untuk ku isi
Bukakanlah ia untukku mengisi
Tak sanggup yang ada dalam hati setiap kali ku terkenang gurau candamu
Itulah kekuatan terhebat dalam diriku
Untuk bertahan dengan rasaku
Kini aku menyimpan rindu
Yang tak dapat ku luapkan...
Ingin ku coba untuk selami sesuatu yang mungkin tak dapat ku arungi
Kini karna egoku kau terus berdiam diri ..
Tetapi kan kubuktikan untukmu seorang yang kucintai :)






Selasa, 29 Maret 2011

My First Posting :D

wew... setelah sekian lama vakum dalam dunia tulis menulis akhirnya kembali juga !!! miss it a lot :)

sebenernya bingung juga ni mau posting apaan, tapi let the idea flows... haha... 

oke... kali ini aku pingin share tentang yang namanya Philophobia.. aku suka banget ma nama itu... banyak orang yang menduga kalo itu phobia bantal (pillow phobia) hahahahha.... aku kasih tahu deh, nama philophobia itu artinya orang yang punya penyakit (baca phobia) ma yang namanya CINTA hahahah.... phobia kok sama cinta yah??? beberapa minggu yang lalu aku baca sebuah novel teenlit yang judulnya Philophobia...judulnya unik bikin aku penasaran so makanya aku berani pinjam tuh buku... hahahaha... teryata novelnya bagus banget... hahaha sukaa banget... hahaha....
ngomong2 soal phobia... aku juga punya phobia juga lhoo... bukan Philophobia tapi BANANAPHOBIA.. wakakakakakakaka.... banyak dari temenku bilang kalo aku aneh , "masak sii phobia ma pisang???" biasanya kalo phobia tu phobia ketinggian, eh ni malah phobia pisang ". aku cuma senyum ... hahahah,, tak pikir2 lagi aku aneh juga yah... tapi emang kenyataan aku gini !! aku emang nggak suka ma buah pisang :) ni gara2 tetanggaku yang muntah pisang abis minum obat di depanku.. It was disgusting.. huh >o< ! saat aku liat kejadian tuh aku berusia 8 tahun. sejak saat itu gak tahu napa tiap kali aku liat buah pisang bawaannya jadi pengen muntah :(... huhuhu... sudah 10 tahun aku jadi phobia pisang... pernah nih iseng2 aku bikin account facebook pake nama Sofia Phobia Pisang... eh di kampus pada manggil2 pisang... hahahahaha... anehnya juga aku kok noleh ya waktu aku di panggil nama PISANG , , , , aku malah jadi terkenal nih dengan panggilan PISANG yang mulai merajalela di Kampus (baca FBS)...

Let's start to write :) ... di blog ini kalian bakal tahu siapa aku sebenarnya... disini aku bakal ngepost apapun hahahaha ( baik curhatan, puisi, artikel, n' macem2 deh... ) 

so, let's start to write... gak usah malu ma grammar ato apapun... feel free to write :) 

Last but not least... this is my favorite quotes 

" Tertawalah sebelum tertawa itu dilarang" :)